Sliced Bread

It's only good for two things: sandwiches and toast. That would make one tend to think that the people who manufacture sliced bread would do their best to make sure that it works very well for the purposes of sandwiches and toast. One would be wrong, however, if one thought that. The sliced bread I bought quite recently for the purpose of making a sandwich failed when I attempted to use it for one of the most popular sandwiches in history: peanut butter and jelly. Although it withstood the raspberry jam admirably, the bread began to fall apart when I began to apply peanut butter. The stickiness and viscosity of the creamy peanut butter was clearly too much for this bread.

This is a travesty. An outrage. A—dare I say it?—crime against the sandwich-loving populace. Bread must be able to withstand having peanut butter spread upon it. I shouldn't even have to say this.